Results

This is how it is. Meet Chuck Norris in his natural form, performing Kung-Fu.

Chuck Norris died once. Then his chest hair regrouped on his chin, and he came back to life. Incidentally, the only reason he let Bruce Lee win was because he respected the Japanese concept of the Four Pillars of Destiny. He later killed Bruce Lee at the chosen time, according to Japanese customs surrounding the destiny voodoo.

Chuck Norris has become so prolific a super-hero, that it has prompted some of Americas greatest artists to write odes to him, and his awesome force of nature, the round-house kick.

New York Times Best Seller Maddox wrote, in his his award winning ‘Alphabet of Manliness’…

So, when you see something like this…

Chuck Norris doesn’t approve candidates, he tells America how it’s going to be.

Fuckin’ Speechless. You can only say that Mike Huckabee just went up a few pegs on the latter of political coolness. The golden rule is, if Chuck Norris approves, then your probably doing something right.

Chuck pretty much lays it all out, right here.

…and I’m still not going to vote for him. Not ever, not in a billion years. Listen y’all – these conservatives haven’t learned a damned thing from the past seven years. McCain still thinks America needs to ‘stay the course’ in Iraq, because if we don’t – Al’Queda will be bragging about how it beat America. I was standing two feet in front of him, and he looked me in the eyes when he said it. John McCain wants to continue occupying a country and perpetuating a war, because if we leave, it will make us look bad.

Seriously.

Personally, I don’t speak Arabic and don’t rightly care what they say – because they are on the other side of the planet, and if our government did all the shit we told them to do in the 9/11 commission’s report, we should be pretty safe from Terrorists by now.

It’s sickening to me – Bush has turned War, the most destructive device humanity has ever wielded, in to a series of sound bytes and a three hour radio show hosted by that asshole Sean Hannity. Nobody seems to understand that we mounted an illegal, hostile takeover of an entire nation against the will of pretty much the entire international community. I know, I know – The UN doesn’t support this war, so the conservative thing to do is to pull out of the UN, which would be fine too – but since the UN’s headquarters are in America, America founded it, and America funds it for the most part, it seems like if we do leave the UN, it’s because we failed – not because it did. Even if the UN failed, we still failed – as it was our baby to begin with.

This is getting ridiculous – America shouldn’t be trying to save face, America has an obligation to do what’s right. I know – That’s like saying a six year old who broke his mothers vase has an obligation to do what’s right and fess up. It doesn’t mean it’s going to happen, but he still has the obligation. When did America get so bad off, that we find ourselves having to prove our military might to a third world country that has never done anything hostile towards us?

If you watched 60 Minutes last night, you’d know all about the purging of Christians in Iraq, how the people ran Muslim governments are trying to kill off the entire Iraqi Christian population, which was in the millions before the war started.

Of course, they never explained why they were doing it – just that they were. If I had to render a guess, I’d say that the Iraqi Muslim population probably equate Americans to Christians, and Christians to evil occupiers who work for Satan, and through the transitive properties of wanting to kill everyone who is in consorts with Evil, decided to kill all the Christians. Am I wrong? Probably not – (although if there is proof to be had, it would be online – and I can’t go there right now) but if that is the case, and Christians lived in harmony with Muslims there until we decided to overthrow Saddam, then I’d reckon those lives would be on George Bush’s head, wouldn’t you?

You know, There comes a point when you fuck up so badly, you just can’t  patch it any longer. It can no longer be fixed, something else has to be done. There comes a point when you have to realize that you totally screwed the pooch, and it would be better off if you stopped what you are doing and asked somebody with a little know-how for help. America is at that point with this frigtarded War on Terror. We have proven that we can’t do this, and it’s time we stop trying to save face, and we figure out what we can do that would help fix this damage we’ve caused, instead of perpetually making it worse like we are now.

The Democrats are unanimous on the notion we need to leave the region. They are right. Congressman Ron Paul has stated over and over again he’d get us out of there ASAP – and he’d discuss the problem, while we are leaving, with people who really are in control over there, and he’d try and get them back on the right track. This, folks, is the tact we need to see in our Candidates, and I flat-ass refuse to vote for anyone who doesn’t see it that way. I will not support a candidate who wants to treat War, and the suffering of millions that this current war is causing, as PR tactics and a method to make money off of Oil and no-bid contracts. We need strong leadership, but we also need leadership that isn’t marching towards a cliff. If we keep this up, we’ll spiral this planet in to chaos because these Christian and Muslim fundamentalists can’t keep ordinary Americans out of their horseshit wars. Muslim fundamentalists in the Middle East, Christian fundamentalists here in Bush’s America. Damn religion – always mucking up the place. Somebody go read a book and get your mind right!

Can you believe this guy?

I know it’s old, but still -- Sean is a pitiful little frigtard. It’s hard for me to even describe in words -- take in to consideration the very end of his ‘hard hitting report’ where Hannity blatantly attacks the Vice President of the United States of America for flying on a private jet 16 times while he himself was running for President.Are you kidding me? There are people who take 16 flights a month, and I’d bet good money that Sean Hannity is one of them. I can’t even understand how Hannity and Limbaugh can hate the planet as much as they do. Think about it -- Al Gore is literally trying to…

• Decrease our dependence on Fossil Fuels at a time where gas is at record highs
• promote our economy by introducing cheaper, cleaner alternatives
• these alternatives could…
  • Be American designed and manufactured, helping to boost our economy
  • Help bring about cheaper, and renewable sources of fuel
  • Help increase innovation and foster scientific understanding
  • Help preserve Nature, which in all fairness has been here a lot longer than we have
  • Save the Environment we live in, so we can go on to live cleaner and healthier lives
  • Save the human race from destroying itself from human originating natural disasters

…and he’s doing it all at the same time. Who in the hell could possibly despise a person like that? I can think of two -- Hannity and Limbaugh. Look at Baby Jesus, with his shit eating ‘I’m Sean Hannity, Moral leader of Republican America’ smirk. Gore has finally managed to make the public aware of these monolithic problems and ways we can help, and the moment the public realizes that it is our obligation as tenants of this planet to try and keep the place livable, what does Hannity do? He runs this kind of filth.

This idea that Republicans are some how holier than thou is complete and utter bullshit. It’s totally based in la-la land, because morality dictates that these issues of our time, issues that the Scientific Community has confirmed, and that directly affect billions of people; morality dictates that we do something about it. Who on earth would degrade that movement? Who would take the position of ignoring a problem that could very well kill us all? War mongers and the spreaders of FUD solely for their own sinister benefits, That’s who!

Perhaps it’s time to alleviate ourselves of this looming cloud that is Hannity and Limbaugh, The Republican Spin Machine and the right wing media. Maybe it’s time to stand up to FOX News and tell them that we don’t think their TV Personalities are up to the moral and ethical challenges that face those in the spotlight of public discourse. These people abuse their positions for the good of the elite, and their sole purpose on TV is to justify the Corporate Elite’s rape of our planet.

It’s enough to make you vote liberal.

1]Who has your heart?
Tina Fey

There’s nothing more to say about this.

2] How did you wake up this morning?
My alarm clock went off around 7:30, and I rolled over, hit ‘play’ and finished watching Bender’s Big Score

3] Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
Sunset – nothing is romantic at 6 in the morning.

4] Are you wearing any non clothing items?
No

5] What did you do last night?
I watched the CNN/Youtube debate

6] Would you kiss the last person that you kissed again?
Nah, I reckon I probably wouldn’t.

7] Did you brush your teeth this morning?
Yeah

8] Have you ever been on the radio?
Sure have – I’ve tied horns with both Sean Hannity and Jim Bohannon

10] What have you drank today?
Jayzus, it’s like 9:30!

11] Do you like honey?
Yeah, Honey’s alright.

12] What’s the last thing you broke?
Gutsy Gibbon

13] Do you know the date?
11/29/2007

14] Where’s the last place you went shopping?
Wal-mart

15] Did you sing at all today?
Again, it’s 9:30 – I think i’ve spoken like three words.
 
16] When is the last time you cried?
When Bennet died. Just kidding, that was really more than just a slack jawed ‘you better fix it, god damnit’.

17] How many letters are there in your last name?
7

18] When did you go swimming last?
I dunno, it’s been a few years.

19] Do you love anyone other than family?
No, I’m a cold-hearted shrew.

21] How was your day?
It just started, but it’s going well>

22] Is your shirt dirty?
Nope, it’s fresh out the dryer.
 
23] Do you live near your best friend?
Sure, you could probably say that.

24] Are you a Bon Jovi fan?
That’s wrong.

25] Are you scared of snakes?
Bwahahaha – No, I ain’t afraid of no snakes.

26] How do you like your meat cooked?
Medium Rare

27] Can you play guitar?
I used to be able to play the SMB theme, but no – not well enough to be bragging about it.

29] What do you think of Fergie?
Well… Fergie’s chillin. She’s always illin, and the way she make you sway I’m feelin’
That’s all it is, get down and jam. If y’all don’t understand – check it.

She rocks bacons – street block’s shakin’
Club life’s great when it’s house shakin’
Speaker’s bumpin so hold yo’ jumpin’
Disco beats make her booty bumpin’
That beat’s bangin’ and she’s rap talkin’
Sweet beats bangin’ keep your feet hoppin’
Dirty dancing, Nasty, naughty
Move that chassis – pump it, hottie

30] Do you read Rolling Stone?
I sure don’t.

31] Do you believe in love?
Absolutely

32] Have you seen Titanic?
A few times, yep

33] Did it make you cry?
He didn’t do That good of a job on the movie.

34] What’s the last TV show you watched?
Jeopardy!

35] Do you like basketball?
Sure, we all do.

36] What eyes color do you like?
I don’t dislike any particular eye color.

37] Last time you went out of state?
It’s been like six months.

38] What are you doing tomorrow?
Whatever I damned well please.

39] Where were you 5 hours ago?
asleep in my bed

40] Who was your last hug from
Ol’ Susan
 
42] What are you wearing right now?
Shorts and a T-Shirt (48 degrees and rising!)

43] Last person who you talked on the phone with?
Kevin

44] Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Nuh-uh

46] Do you miss anyone?
Yes

48] Do you save any of your texts? If so, which ones your favorite?
Oh, sure. My favorite? I don’t even know if I like any of them.

49] Were you an honor roll student in school?
No

50] What do you know about the future?
That idiot republicans will still be there, mucking up my planet and my technology.

It’s been my experience that there are two markets that the radio version of the republican spin machine appeals to: Intelligent people who like to throw fuel on the fire that is their hate for republicans, and idiots like you. Although I’m pacified by yelling the rubber off of my steering wheel every time Rush Limbaugh makes up facts that are obviously wrong, or Jim Bohannon pulls a shallow alien conspiracy out of his ass, they tend to pacify the rest of you by making the talk shows even more inept and insulting to my intelligence than the one playing before it.

Scraping the bottom of this shit-hole is a tiresome, narcissistic bitch named Kim Komando. Yes, her name is an indication: she’s to idiot what shit stain is to your girl-friends favorite lingerie.

She hosts the ‘Kim Komando Show’, a technology based talk show aimed at people who think USB is pronounced UBS. This would be fine, but she’s just as clueless as the ones she preaches to. I never thought somebody could pull in her high-dollar income by being such a failure at their profession and self-proclaimed expertise. If liking technology and knowing dick about it makes you Kim Komando money, I should have never learned how to turn on a computer and ranted about how Internet Explorer causes brain-tumors due to the wireless signals it emanates.

Lost yet? Well, If you think Rush Limbaugh is a vibrator attachment, then you probably can’t read, much less possess the phonological awareness to even pronounce the acronyms this bitch gets wrong. Come to think of it, you probably had to re-read that last sentence and you still don’t know what I’m talking about… think hooked-on-phonics, idiot.

Before I get too far in to making a structured case on why this woman, and her entire fan base, should be tied to a church, beaten within an inch of their lives and raped, I want to say one little thing first: I hope she dies in a plane crash afterwards.

Why? Well, She has these ‘Quick Tip’ commercials in between the entertaining talk shows, where she gives gullible fucktards advice on topics that she barely has a rudimentary understanding of. I was riding home from work today when I heard one of these blurbs, and I was taken aback by her ineptitude.

She, and I’m not exaggerating here, got on national radio and told people that Wikipedia.com (never mind that the real URL is wikipedia.org) was inaccurate, anybody could add any content to it and it will not be checked (implying that wikipedia was abandoned by everyone other than the millons of people who read it), and parents shouldn’t let their kids use it. Instead, she figured, parents should opt for a volume of encyclopedias or a CD/DVD based interactive encyclopedia.

Read em’ and weep, Kim.

Just as accurate, free, and a whole hell of a lot more accessible and easier to use. Thanks for trying to set humanity back 20 years. Next time, instead of talking out of your ass, try doing a google search before you say shit that millions of people who perpetually try and vote themselves to extinction will accept as truth just because it’s on the radio.

As a person who likes free things that kick ass, I was naturally fuming over the idea that some idiot parent is going to tell their kids not to use wikipedia because Kim Komando said it was inaccurate; or worse yet go out and buy a $1000 encyclopedia that’ll be obsolete 6 months before it’s printed.

So, I figured I’d see if this was a fluke or if she’s just an idiot. First things first: This was right on her front page. 5 Common Sense Computer Tips.

read right along with me

Here are five things you can do for a little added security:

1. Leave your computer on

Today, you have security programs to defend against viruses, worms, spyware and other attacks. These programs are always playing catch-up. Hackers are constantly probing for weaknesses, and seemingly every day there’s a new threat.

Security software and your computer’s operating system are regularly updated to stem these threats. If your computer is off at night, you’ll have to update during the day, when you’re working. Or worse, the new threat hits your system before you have a chance to download updates.

Huh?! No, No, No! Bad! What kind of half-conceived advice is that? First off, Updating your security software/OS on Wednesdays at 3AM went out of style when the term ‘Live Update’ entered our vernacular. Practically every piece of security software worth running checks for updates every few minutes, and either downloads them behind the scenes or tells you to download it immediately. Even my grandma and AOL users get updates during the day. Windows, especially, will download and install hotfixes, and then bitch about it every twenty seconds until you restart your computer so you can finish writing your script in peace.

Turning off your computer eliminates the risk of getting hacked. You’re computers not on – it’s hack-proof. Telling people that everyday there’s a new threat, people have to assume that once or twice the anti-virus companies will miss one for a day or two. So, a good way to get hacked is making sure your computer is online as much as possible. She must have failed critical thinking in special ed.

4. Watch the status bar

The status bar is a frequently overlooked tool at the bottom of your browser. You can use it to check links on a Web page. Hold your mouse over a link, and the address of the link appears in the status bar. It may not help if the address is spoofed, but it is still handy.

Checking links via your status bar would be common sense if most people had a clue what they were looking for. Too bad most people haven’t the slightest inclination of what a status bar is, or why it would help you prevent spoofed addresses. Come to think of it, most people don’t even know what a spoofed address is either. What’s next, Kim? Want to explain to these guys about proper coding techniques that’ll prevent buffer underrun exploits? I’m sure you’ll explain it so well that nobody will have a clue what you’re talking about. If anything’s clear, it’s that you’re fucking phenomenal at that.

5. Protect your Windows Clipboard

Malicious Web sites may attempt to copy information from your Windows Clipboard. That is the utility that temporarily stores information from cut and copy operations.

I know, ZDNet even wrote about this – but this begs the question: Who would do this? So what if somebody dumped my clipboard contents to a database? They have my password?! To what? My email account? My bank? Oh no! I better change my password! Too bad my clipboard, doesn’t contain all the information required to do jack shit on the internet! So they have my password, now if they had a bunch of other random shit, they might be able to read my spam! Definitely a common sense security tip, Kim! I’ll be sure to turn that off when I uninstall all of my windows updates, stop using firefox and I don’t have a gun handy.

Hell – notice where she doesn’t mention turning on automatic updates, or using Firefox instead of IE (which, btw, doesn’t have the clipboard flaw) or running a security suite… if I depended on her for my security, The Horry County Police Department would be pulling me up out of a swamp.

Floating around her site a little more, I stumbled on this gem in her ‘Tips of the day’. It’s interesting to note, by the way, that this isn’t a tip of the day section as much as a ‘Ask Kim A Question So She Can Fuck Up Your Computer’ section, but enough with the silly labels – let’s see this waste of space and bandwidth in action! behold:

Lorri called from Detroit because she had a problem with a recent computer upgrade. She finally made the switch from Windows ME to Windows XP.

But there’s one problem: When the computer is booted, she is asked to select between Windows ME and XP. She would like to do away with this and boot directly into XP.

First thing I thought of was deleting the folder. It’s dual boot, the folder shouldn’t be linked to windows XP. Then, run msconfig, click the ‘boot.ini’ tab, and click ‘Check all boot paths’ and let the obvious take control of you.

Her answer: Verbatim.

“Theoretically, there is a way to eliminate Windows ME and have a single-boot system. I don’t recommend this. Even as an experienced computer user, I wouldn’t want to tackle that.

So, Lorri, but your best option is to live with the problem. Alternatively, you can reinstall XP. If you do, select the option to overwrite Windows ME.”

I googled ‘delete windows me from windows xp dual-boot’, and the third link down was a PC Mag Article explaining how to delete the windows folder, and run msconfig, complete with pictures. Thanks Kim, you’re brilliant.

I’m getting tired of surfing this ass ugly disgrace of geekdom, so I’m going to speed things up a bit.

Kim’s Shareware Picks

Right off the top of my head, the following shareware programs she lists that aren’t shareware.

Spybot S&D, OpenOffice, Google’s Picasa, Google Toolbar, Avast, AVG, Belarc Advisor, THE MICROSOFT POWERTOYS… there’s probably more, but you get my point. Every item I listed is freeware, and OpenOffice is, well, Open source.

Kim’s cool sites… she has an entry there called ‘Life on Mars’.

remember when the idea of landing on Mars was science fiction. Now, it’s almost a reality.

Landing on Mars is a reality, dumb ass. Ever heard of The Mars Rover? (Note: The Link goes to Wikipedia, and it’s all lies. I made all of it up a few minutes ago just because the look on her face when she realizes that for a geek, she’s a decade behind the times will have me popping like a dozen boners.)

The Diomedes Mission, set to launch in 2017, plans on inhabiting Mars. The idea may sound impossible, but everything has been carefully planned.

The Mission plans on inhabiting Mars. Somebody should explain to her that it’s the Astronauts who plans on inhabiting Mars, and they aim to do so by way of a mission. Her way of saying it makes it sound like she believes that the mission it’s self plans on hopping in to a space ship and colonizing the planet. She even confirms it in the next sentence, ‘you may think it’s impossible for the mission to hop in to the space ship and land on Mars, but the mission has planned it out carefully.’ – Her way’s more interesting, but my way has the virtue of not sounding like retarded bullshit.

Before long you will see how realistic life on Mars can be. Some day, you may become a real Martian.

Does this woman have a problem structuring thoughts so they make sense? First off, what the hell else would you expect living on mars to be, if it’s not realistic? Does shit on Mars look like a badly rendered video game? Are the people on Mars as realistic as Max Headroom and spew off non-sensual new age hippy bullshit and the women are whorish and abundant? Second off, I hate to break it to her – but I could never become a real martian, unless moving to Mars would somehow change the space/time continuum so I wasn’t born on Earth.

I’ve had just about enough of her, look…She shouldn’t be allowed to  have a website. Shouldn’t there be some kind of governing body, ruled by people like me, who prevent this kind of thing from happening? Somebody needs to get on the ball and outlaw public stupidity, make it a capital crime, and start with Kim Komando.